All The leaves were brown
by ozchild1983
Summary: CJ deals with Leo's death.


**I wrote this story a long time ago and I am just now getting around to publishing it on here.**

 **I always wondered what it would have been like if instead of Danny coming back into CJ's life what it would have been like if Simon had come back. I have a part of another story involving how Simon Donovan might have been able to come back (In my mind he was probably placed in witness protection)**

 **This story takes place the day after Leo McGarry died and involves how CJ reacts to his passing. I also moved the death date ahead and made it in the fall rather then in December.**

 **As we all know I own nothing...**

The cool autumn air flipped CJ's hair as she walked, It was late, nearly 9 o'clock. Normally she wouldn't have chosen to walk home at this time of night but she had told her security that she needed to clear her head, they were still there obviously but were at least keeping a semi respectful distance. She had been working for nearly 24 hours and she was tired and sad. She pulled her coat more tightly around herself and stepped through a tiny pile of of brown leaves that littered the street. She strode up the steps of her brownstone and used her key to open the door. Nearly immediately she felt the hand of her security on top of hers "Ma'am" he said with a warning tone. She exhaled heavily but didn't say anything. Normally she might have, but today the fight had gone out of her, and she had nothing to hide from them anyway. Security did a quick walk through and then excited her house, nodding to her "Have a good night, Ms. Cregg" she gave a half smile and nodded. Normally she might have returned the officers words but she was trying her hardest not to talk. She waited for him to pass and then entered her house. she put her purse down on the oak table by the door and took off her coat. She went into the kitchen and took a glass from the cabinet and filed it in the sink with water. She might have drank something a bit stronger, but even the idea of reaching onto the self felt to exhausting.

Simon walked down the stairs of CJ's house and found the kitchen light turned on. Though he had not heard her come in, he felt CJ's presents in the apartment. he saw her standing at the sink drinking a glass of water, her posture hunched and tired. A near direct opposite of his girlfriend's normal posture even when she her day had been hard. He had been watching election coverage most of the last 2 days. When the press had covered Leo's death he had picked up the phone at least twice to call her. Knowing that today went beyond what was just a normal difficult day, he had decided against it however knowing that only a handful of people actually knew that he was alive and had been living in the witness protection program for the three years since his encounter in the line of duty.

He walked up to the kitchen door and kept his eyes on CJ's back. She still stood hunched at the sink. He half expected her shoulders to be shaking with the sobs that he knew she had held all day. But they didn't. He walked up behind her and put his hands on her upper arms. "Hi" he said softly into her ear.

Immediately, hearing Simon's voice CJ's eyes began to sting with tears. She wanted to fall into his arms and cry out all of the grief and pain she was feeling but at the same time all she wanted to do was kiss him and forget the last 24 hours. She pasted on a smile and turned to him, grabbing his face and rubbing her tips up against his roughly. Shocked by how aggressive she was being Simon pulled back slightly but she held onto his face and pushed her tongue into his mouth.

"Woah!" he said pulling away from her slightly he didn't pull out of her arms but backed up just enough to let her know that he needed some type of explanation. "slow down CJ"

She rocked back on her heals and lowered her head slightly embarrassed at being brushed off. The embarrassment only lasted a second and then she rocked forward again and started kissing him. He grabbed her hands and pushed her away slightly. "CJ" he said gently tucking a errand stand of hair behind her ear. "Talk to me."

The quiet gentleness of his words hit her hard and her bottom lip began to tremble, the bottom lids of her eyes filling with tears that she refused to let fall. She shook her head and kissed his cheek again. "I..." her words fumbled slightly. "I don't want to talk right now." Her voice was barely above a whisper "I'm sorry..."

She smiled at her sadly and caressing her cheek. "Ok." he whispered, he moved forward and kissed her cheek and began to move his lips down her neck. "Is this what you want."

she bit her bottom lip to stifle a moan and nodded. Simon put his hands on her hips and moved against her gently. She grabbed ahold of the sink behind her and hitched her leg up around his hip grinding herself against his quickly hardening erection.

Later that night the two of them lay in bed, Simon lay on his back sleeping. The sound of his soft breathing would usually calm CJ and lull her in to a deep relaxed sleep. But tonight she lay on her side, the sheets pulled up covering her naked breasts. She ran her hand along the side of the bed and thought of Leo. He and the president had always been like father figures to her, people she could talk to anything about, people she could ask any question of and get an honest genuine answer. She missed him so much it was as if some one had reached into her chest and twisted her heart the wrong direction. She sniffed and felt a hot tear drip down her nose and form a wet spot of the sheet under her. She had been so determined for the last nearly 2 days to not allow anyone to see how much she was hurting but she knew she couldn't hide it forever. She reached up to brush away the one tear that had fallen only to feel more stinging and realizing that more were coming. She sighed quietly and it quickly turned into a soft sob. her tears began to come faster and faster and the sobs came one on top of each other. She lifted her hand to her mouth to stifle the sounds of her crying and hopefully not wake Simon.

Simon opened his eyes groggily wondering what had woken him and then he heard it, the soft sound of the woman next to him fighting a losing battle with her tears. She was making soft gulping sounds and trembling excessively.

He rolled toward her and put his hand on her naked shoulder. Immediately at feeling his touch she turned in on herself and curled into the tightest ball that a 6 foot tall woman could make. "CJ?" he whispered

"I'm..I'm sor- sorry" she managed between sobs, still trying as hard as she could to stop her tears. "I..I..di..didnt mean to wake you..."she hiccuped.

Simon exhaled rubbing her back slowly. CJ laid there not allowing herself to really fall apart. "Claudia Jean, come here" he said pulling gently on her shoulder. She complied to an extent and turned to her back She pushed her hair back even though a few strands stuck disobediently to her face. She pulled self consciously at them until Simon pulled her hand away and stroked her face with he thumb. Her face was red and streaked with tear tracks. Her chest jumped with sobs that she was still trying to keep down.

"CJ..." he said gently but firmly. "You need to let this out sweetheart, holding it in isn't helping you and I am the only one here."

"I..I can't" she stammered, fresh tears bubbling over the top of her eye lids.

He stroked her cheek "Why not?"

"Because I will never stop." she said biting down on the inside lower lip. "I needed him." she said the tears starting again "I cant do this with out him Simon." She put her hand up to her eyes and allowing a sob to escape. "I can't..." she began trying to form a sentence but it became lost in her crying.

Simon rapped his arms around her and she crumbled into his chest her whole body shook and she cried harder then she though she ever had before. Tears coursed down her face and for the first time that evening she did nothing to stop them. "I miss him so much" she sobbed her words almost incoherent.

Simon held her and rubbed gently up and down her back. shushing to her and whispering soft condolences. They laid there for what seemed like hours until finally her sobbing and tears stopped and she was finally able to relax into his warm embrace and fall asleep. Knowing that she would wake the next day strong enough to face the future.


End file.
